Posted by: shotgunfacelift | October 9, 2009

Seafood sucks

Seafood makes me want to hurl.

I’ve tried, on numerous occasions, to wolf down an item from the deep only to feel like utter death afterwards. Maybe I don’t have the stomach for it or maybe it’s just plain old unadulterated shite, and I’m leaning towards the latter opinion. Many a time, when out with friends or somesuch and after them having ordered the dreaded ‘Sea food platter’, I’ve exclaimed ‘You want me to eat that?!’

Humans weren’t meant to eat lobsters, crabs and other such critters. Before the advent of the modern trawler or fishing equipment, we didn’t even know what a lobster was. And it’s no different now. Lobsters are portrayed as a gourmet meal most of the time, in films only the rich cunts get to eat lobster in a fancy restaurant sat across the table from their hot trophy wives. Apparently the restaurant which supplies the aforementioned gets extra points if you choose your own live lobster out of a fancy aquarium type deal and see it getting cooked right before your eyes.

That’d work for me, if they wanted me to have my own vomit as a first course.

Wait wait, you want me to EAT that?

Wait wait, you want me to EAT that?

Why seafood sucks hairy arse:

  • There’s nothing to eat in a lobster or other crustacean! I mean, really. Crack open a crab and at most you’ll get a mouthful of foul crab meat. Is that really worth it?
  • Three words: Shark fin soup. Excuse me while I yak my intestines out.

    Hates you.

    Hates you.

  • Allergies. Seafood contains absolutely deadly allergens. If you didn’t know about that, you could find yourself on the floor of an elaborate delicatessarie with a bit of dolphin in your mouth.
  • Mercury. Seafood contains tons of this stuff. On the flip side, maybe you’d need the Mercury so you’d be crazy enough to eat the stuff.
  • Fish eyes. Fish have nasty eyes, end of story.

    Aww, isnt it cute? Love the eyes!

    Aww, isn't it cute? Love the eyes!

  • Choking hazards: Ever eaten a fish only to get a mouthful of scaly shite and paper thin bones in your mouth? Yeah.
  • Kills stuff. Come on, fishing has advanced scientifically to such a level, that governments have to apply fishing limits to certain areas. Lets see you look that dolphin the eyes next time you’re down at Sea World.
  • R.I.P Steve Irwin.

    Steve Irwin: A man who shares my opinion

    Steve Irwin: A man who shares my opinion

Boycott Seafood. You know you want to.



  1. Oh you just love to complain, don’t you? :H

    Seafood for din-din tonight. -seye-

  2. Erkh. I hate seafood too. Can’t stand the sight/smell of it.

    You’re right in your protest. May your petition win laurels.

  3. Prawn? Pawrn? 😐

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