Posted by: shotgunfacelift | July 23, 2010

Popular phrases that don’t make any sense

‘Nothing is impossible’ – Usually followed by a story about an amputee swimming the English Channel, a Nigerian with no shoes winning a marathon or a cancer victim coming out first in a kayak race. While I concede that this saying is sort of inspiring and makes me wonder if I can beat the world record for most ejaculations performed in twenty four hours, I’d like to say that it mainly gives people false hope.

People fueled by this quotation often get all pumped, and realise they were horribly deceived when they crash and burn by the end of it. Things don’t work like that in the real world I’m afraid and you’d be better off for it.

‘He wants to have his cake and eat it too’ – I’d like to skewer the person who thought up of this abomination with a rusty pitchfork. What else is cake for? Shoving up your arse? It’s for eating you huge tool. I don’t know if this guy used cake ingredients as lubricant to please himself, but yes, this quotation makes no sense and is as useful as a herring. We all know how useless herrings are.

‘Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery’ – Fuck that, I’d rather not be a victim of personality theft. I’ve met so many people who regurgitate phrases I use, discover the type of music I’m listening to etc. and then pass all of that off as their own personal image to make themselves seem cool even though they don’t particularly like the art/music/whatever. It’s downright disgusting, and while that quotation exists, it brings my pee to a boil to see someone use absolute standard REGIONAL words I use (that they can’t possibly use because it’s essentially slang which you pick up off the street).

I wholeheartedly agree

‘Honesty is the best policy’ – Okay, come on. I’ve tried this out personally and according to my calculations using several methodologies such as Bayesian logic, this quotation is a steaming pile of cock. Everyone knows to get anywhere in the real world you have to be willing to step on a few fingers.

Picture this, say your wife asks you how her hair looks and you think it looks like a cats anus – which one would go down better? ‘It looks fine, (dear)’ or ‘It looks like shit’?

It looks fine, dear.

The grass is always greener on the other side – I’m sure that a billionaire somewhere out there is bawling his eyes out at the mere thought of living in your 2×2′ room.

Can't stand thinking about how awesome his life would be if he was you.

‘What’s up’ – This is without a doubt the most redundant term in existence today. What’s up has gone from meaning ‘What have you been up to this fine evening?’ to ‘Respond to me with ‘Nothing much’ so we can get on with this conversation’.

Although I could basically go on forever, I’d rather stop here before I pop an artery in rage.

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Responses

  1. Dude Duce. Your writing frequency is increasing yo. Me glads. Don’t care about people who tell you, that you are a whiny little bitch. I like your rage and this page yo.

    • Nigga you be trippin’, yo comments are off the hook. Of all the muthafuckas I know you da muthafuckest.


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